Tom Brady Reinvents The Term 'Shotgun Wedding'

Like most celebs, Tom Brady and new wife Gisele Bundchen had another wedding this weekend because, you know, nothing says "Look how awesome we are!" like making your guests shell out another 200 bucks at Bed Bath and Beyond. This time, however, the nuptials didn't go as smoothly.

"According to local reports, one of Gisele's bodyguards fired gunshots at a photographer in Costa Rica. French news agence Agence France-Presse reports that Bundchen's guard fired a gun in the direction of a paparazzo who was unwilling to hand over his camera, presumably with photos of the couple's private wedding. Another photographer for Al Dia, a local Costa Rican photographer was in the car when the shots rang out. He wasn't hurt, but reportedly filed a police report on the incident."

All I wanna know is how can I hire this ridiculously over reactive body guard? "What?! You didn't give her extra cheese?" Kaplow!

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The 'Other' Jay Cutler

I was going to post something about the ongoing Jay Cutler drama, but then I Googled his name to find a photo and that's when things went astray for I discovered the "other" Jay Cutler: a giant diarrhea-colored man. I don't know why I'm fascinated with body-builders other than the fact that they take everything that society says we should do to ourselves and then do the exact opposite. That's how you end up looking like this:
Hooray for fanny packs!

A Rod Likes The Uglies

For Alex Rodriguez, life's getting worse and worse. The recent allegation is that he had a romantic involvement with Kristin Davis, a madam a.k.a. lady pimp, while he was married. Now A Rod's not the best looking guy in the face department, but he's super fit and super rich which instantly grants him the power of getting practically any woman in the world. So I can't understand why he keeps choosing women who look like they were born with something extra. And by extra, I don't mean sex appeal. Wink, wink.

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A-Rod Kisses Himself In Details Magazine

Baseball's most recently infamous athlete is grazing the cover of Details magazine. I'm just glad Details hits with the hard questions. Like "What's your favorite Madonna song?" Go here for the full story and pictures from the shoot. I'm not sure who Details is supposed to appeal to, but A-Rod on top of a dirty mattress in some basement does nothing for me besides being a tad unsettling.

1920's Reporter Guys Is Doing It All Wrong

I hadn't heard of "1920s Reporter Guy" until this weekend, and while I'm a huge fan of fast-talkin' Depression-era themed anything, but I was a little disappointed. First of all, where's the funny mustache? If you're going to whore your press pass in hopes of higher ratings for your radio show, you gotta do it right. I'm talking this guy:

Syracuse Beats UConn In The Longest Game Ever

After almost 4 hours and 6 overtimes of basketball, Syracuse beat UConn 127 to 117. After a minute and a half on the treadmill, I cramp out and have to hit the stationary bikes, so I'm highly impressed by these young athletes. After their victory, Syracuse even had enough strength to pose for this team picture:

Michael Strahan Is A Creepy Spy

Someone better call Joey Greco because he's got competition. According to the NY Post, Michael Strahan has been spying on his girlfriend in order to catch her cheating.

When the gap-toothed ex-Giant suspected his longtime girlfriend of cheating, he put a tracking device in her car - and went ballistic when she found it, sources told The Post.

Oh but the story doesn't end there. Apparently this isn't the first time Strahan's been caught snooping.

During his nasty 2006 divorce trial, Strahan's ex-wife, Jean, accused the hulking defensive lineman of using high-tech spyware to tap her phone at their New Jersey mansion. She also revealed at the trial that he'd installed a secret video system to record her sister undressing.

There are a few things I've learned from this story. For one, having a gap in your front teeth is never a good look, and two, if Michael Strahan ever invites me to a pool party, I'm getting changed beforehand.