Oh To Be Ambidextrous...

The Hunger Games Memes And Hunger Games: Catching Fire New Trailer

The official teaser trailer for the The Hunger Games: Catching Fire has been released, and it's flippin' awesome!  Since I've actually read the books, which means I'm better than you, here are some exciting casting decisions:

Philip Seymour Hoffman as Plutarch: Love it!
Sam Claflin as Finnick: Don't know yet.  I didn't like Peeta's casting initially until I saw the movie, so we'll see.  I pictured Finnick a little older and slightly more weathered, so let's see what they do.
Amanda Plummer as Wiress and Jeffrey Wright as Betee: Love it, and love it!  
Jena Malone as Johanna: Again, interesting.  Also pictured Johanna a bit older, but we'll see.  I love Jena Malone as an actress, so my hopes are high. 

And because a blog post is useless without funny pictures, here you go:

Game Of Thrones Season 3 Episode 3: Walk Of Punishment

I didn't post about episode 2 mainly because while it was good, it wasn't all too exciting.  The season has so far not disappointed me, and I don't know why so many other viewers are complaining about the show's pace.  I guess a few seasons of Downton Abbey have taught me a thing or two about TV show patience.  This episode is one of the epic ones, but let's take it slowly.

It opens with the funeral of Catelyn Stark's father, where we get to meet her uncle, Brynden Tully (see photo above).  He's a giant, so I had to do an immediate IMDB search to learn more about the actor who portrays him.  His name is Clive Russell, he's 6'6'', and 67 years old.  He's also going to be in the new Thor movie and can grow one killer mustache. 

Meanwhile in King's Landing, Tywin's feeling playful:

Naturally Tyrion wins and he is voted club treasurer.  Yay!  Time to check in on Tall-y and Small-y.  The sexual tension's boiling over, especially when Jaime whips out his prized pick-up lines:

In the Riverlands, Thoros is still busy looking exactly like William Hurt:

And we are forced say goodbye to Hot Pie.  Past the wall, the gang just can't stop horsin' around:

Actually this scene was awesome because all of the riders of those horses turned into White Walkers.  After some awkward babydick shots, we catch up on Theon Greyjoy who was rescued and told to ride home:

In Astapor, the Khaleesi Daenerys trades her biggest dragon for an army of slaves:

This picture would have been funnier if Daenerys ever lifted her goddamn hands when she acts!!  We also get a better shot of the sigil of Astapor:

Some other stuff happens, like Podrick becoming the sexual stud of the seven kingdoms.  But the real drama is the episode's final shot:

Yup, that's a sword cutting off Jaime's hand...his sword hand.  From Kingslayer to Ringslayer, amIright?!

Real Housewives Of Vancouver: Why You Should Be Watching

If you even take a second to look at this blog (which is exactly 0.99 more seconds than most people take), you'll know I'm a huge Real Housewives fan.   But I also live in the U.S. so I didn't learn about the Real Housewives of Vancouver until a few months ago...sob.  These bitches put our housewives to shame, and it's mostly because of the super villain that is Jody (see photo above).

This is Mary:

 No, just kidding.  This is Mary:

Jody hates Mary.  I mean HATES Mary.  Take Teresa/Melissa and multiply it by 10 Kim/Nene.  For example, here's a scientific graph I made up to illustrate my point:

And remember, this is real science.

During the season finale, Amanda (another housewife) throws a birthday party, and Jody loses it on Mary because, well, it's Thursday afternoon and why not?  Here's the fallout of Jody screaming that Mary is a "cheesy piece of s***":

That last picture is Ioulia (Yoo-lee-yaa), a Russian golddi...er...devoted wife.  She loves cake and art.  She throws an art gallery opening because that's how much she loves art.  This happens:

Robin's on the left and Ronnie's on the right.  Why is Ronnie so happy?  Because Jody told everyone that Robin spiked Ronnie's drink with drugs which made Ronnie act like a lunatic during a boat party.  This wasn't true, and in reality, Ronnie's an on-and-off-again alcoholic.  Ronnie's also on-and-off-again best friends with Mary, while Robin is Mary's new bff.  Can't handle anymore drama?  Tough.  The season finale ends with Ioulia getting a divorce from her rich husband, Jody telling Mary her breath stinks, and Amanda saying something boring.  This season was only 10 episodes which is blueballs-worthy, and I read there will be no reunion to make room for more episodes.  Ugh! 

Side note: Vancouver looks gorgeous!  I will be officially accepting donations to visit it.  Highest donor gets a serving of poutine.  

Game Of Thrones Season 3 Episode 1 Recap: Valar Dohaeris

Woohoo!  Game of Thrones is officially back, which means more dragons, boobies, and Tyrion's sass.  Let's recap season 3 episode 1:

Samwell Tarly gets attacked by a White Walker, but is saved by Ghost, the direwolf, and the rest of his Crow-nies.  The remaining Night Watch survivors plan to return to the wall to warn Westeros of the upcoming zombie attack.  Fat Sam was supposed to send messenger ravens, but screwed it up and now everyone will probably die.  

Meanwhile, Jon Snow spends his opening scene looking terrified of everything while Ygritte just makes fun of him.  But he does get to see a giant, some bratty-ass kids, and a new character because if it's one thing Game of Thrones desperately needs, it's new characters.

King-Beyond-the-Wall, Mance Rayder

Mance accepts Jon Snow very easily (too easily), and gives him a fancy new cloak.  Then we see this guy again: 

But no one cares so we move on.  To boobies!

After the boobies, we are reintroduced to one of my favorite characters, Tyrion, who is checking out his wicked scar in the mirror when his sister, Queen Cersei, pays him a visit.  Naturally the conversation goes like this:

In the Riverlands, Robb Stark is itchin' for another battle.

But he finds that the Lannisters killed hundreds of prisoners and didn't even bother to clean up.

 After the conversation with Cersei, Tyrion visits his father who pretty much tells him to go eff himself and that Jaime's the best son despite spawning the awfulness that is Joffrey.

It's actually a sad scene since Tyrion's so damn likeable.  Speaking of Joffrey...

...he still sucks. 

Somewhere across the world, Daenerys is still searching for an army and taking care of her dragon babies.

Daenerys is pretty awesome, despite her storyline having the biggest and longest buildup of any series.  I do need to give Daenerys some advice.  I know Jason Mamoa is a freak of gorgeous nature, but Jorah Mormont ain't bad, and he loves you.  So just go with it already.  I digress.  Daenerys finds an army of "unsullied" men who kill babies and hate nipples, and almost gets killed by this thing:   

Those pearly whites look familiar?  Yup, this devil child is most likely a Warlock of Qarth who don't have good dental coverage and hold quite a grudge.  Oh, and she was saved by ANOTHER new character who was Lord Commander of Robert Baratheon's Kingsguard, and now vows to protect Daenerys.

Visit the Game of Thrones Wiki for a much more thorough recap.

Proof That Journey's Steve Perry Dresses Like A 20-Year-Old Girl

Journey's an iconic rock band that have sold millions of albums worldwide thanks to their piercing lead singer, Steve Perry.  Not only did Steve Perry write songs ahead of their time, but he also dressed ahead of his time.  Here's pictorial proof that 1980s Steve Perry predicted today's women's fashion:

 

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Season 3 Episode 13 Recap: Game Of Scones

This week's episode opens with a heated discussion between Kyle and Lisa, but not before a brief tour of Villa Rosa, Lisa's ridiculous house that looks like a 4-star hotel:

Then the good stuff happens.  Lisa is pissed that Kyle didn't stick up for her during Camille's bashing, and Kyle starts making excuse after excuse.  Lisa keeps calling Kyle out on her bull, and Kyle begins to fake cry because she ran out of defenses.  Lisa tells her to stop crying in the best stern/annoyed voice ever, and Kyle also runs out of manipulation tricks, so finally she shuts up.  Say what you want about Lisa, but damn if that lady can't stand up for herself in a classy way.

My disdain for Yolanda is quickly dissipating (I don't know where all those big words came from, but that's enough book learnin'), and her conversation with Brandi at the horse ranch moved her up a few more notches in my book.  First, she flat out says that Adrienne is using her status and money to intimidate people and concludes with saying that in the big picture, Adrienne's a nobody anyway, so Brandi shouldn't worry.  Ha!  As much as I still feel that a lot of Yolanda is fake, she's extremely blunt and honest in this scene.  So honest that I even forgive her brief whine on how she feels sad that she can only afford 1 horse for her daughter when other people in the town have 3 or more.   I can't even afford a hamster, so suck it Yolanda.

Lisa's having a tea party, that's also the same tea party she was prepping for in episode 5 of Vanderpump Rules (read the AMAZING recap here).  Which means more gratuitous shots of Villa Rosa:

 But it's worth it because we get this invaluable nugget from Ken:

Damn straight, Ken, damn straight.  Anyway, Taylor's back!  And she comes with a completely appropriate house-warming gift: a vibrator.  Taylor's trying, but it's an awkward attempt at humor because it just doesn't match with her personality.  Brandi takes Taylor on a tour of Villa Rosa, and they find this nekked photo of Lisa in her closet:

Lisa looks great in the photo, but what the hell's going on with Brandi's elbow?!  An imperfection, muahaha!

The girls, including pseudo-housewive Marisa, are having a gay ole time at the tea party, but that's short lived after the arrival of this limo full of the 3 Whoresmen of the Apocalypse (I know there are 4 horsemen, but Kyle counts as 2):

Dun dun dun.  The most annoying part is that Faye wasn't even invited.  And, in case you were wondering, Kim couldn't make it because she got pistol-whipped by a huge cock:

Just kidding, her dog hit her, or something in Kim's pretend land that is her life.

The tea party begins, and so does the drama.  Let's play who started the argument!  Today's winner is...Taylor.  Taylor is going through a hard time and she's not the world's strongest person so naturally after a few drinks, she begins to poke the fire...passive aggressively.  She continues to make little jabs about Adrienne suing people and Kyle being two-faced.  Adrienne denies ever suing Brandi and so begins that argument.  Brandi also randomly puts on a pink robe for whatever reason.  Seriously, why the robe?  It's driving me crazy.

During the argument, Brandi actually keeps her cool despite Adrienne acting like a guilty fat guy on a diet getting caught stealing cookies.  Brandi gets annoyed with Adrienne's lies and leaves early.

On the next episode, Taylor's in love but doesn't know where her daughter is.  And more arguing.